


The Ocean In Between Us

by 2amphan



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-14
Updated: 2017-07-14
Packaged: 2018-12-02 06:20:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11503533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/2amphan/pseuds/2amphan
Summary: Cold beaches. Damp rocks. Deep conversations. Insecurities and tears.





	The Ocean In Between Us

I sat quietly on the edge of a damp rock, the ocean extending endlessly beyond my vision. The chilling breeze enveloped my body with every shallow breath it took. Curls waving without restraint atop of my head. Goosebumps formed along my fair complexioned arms, but I ignored them, choosing instead to focus on the vastness of the crisp blue sea in front of me. Thoughts crowded my mind trying to push their way towards the front but ultimately forming into disarray. I turned my head to pale man sitting beside me, Phil’s expression remained unperturbed, not quite relaxed but simply pondering. I dug my toes into the rich sand, and drew in a breathe of the biting air. It sent a shiver down from the top of my scalp to the tip of my toes. The silence between us made me hyperaware of my own senses and surroundings, I needed a distraction but Phil seemed too immersed in his own thoughts to notice my shifting eyes, observing all of the details of the icy beach. I was only here because he needed to talk, but now that seemed to be the only thing he didn’t want to do. 

My impatience finally got the best of me and I shattered the silence with my emphatic voice. 

“Come on Phil, please talk to me. I'm freezing and I'm for you.” I spoke, into the air, not even turning my head towards him. I opened my mouth, ready to slice into the silence yet again when he broke, tears welled in his cerulean eyes and glided swiftly down his rosy, windburned cheeks. Phil cried noiselessly though, a feat that I never could have mastered. His body trembled slightly as each silent sob forced its way out and I wrapped my arms tightly around his torso in a feeble attempt at trying to provide comfort. I looked into his turquoise eyes for the first time since we took our seats atop of the sodden rock, as if a silent pleading for him to speak to me.

“Dan, I’m sorry,” Phil spoke in a voice so quiet it seemed that the choppy waves could sweep it away at any moment. 

“I'm fine. I want you to talk to me.” I said faintly. 

“I feel like I’m not enough for you. It's feels like you don't need me.” It’s as if I could hear his heart shattering with only one sentence. “I want to be there, and be an important part of your life. I feel like a burden sometimes if I’m being honest, behind all of the silly puns and neon shirts, I don’t think I’m who you want me to be.” His words hung in the air, waiting for the wind to blow them away and for the two to act like they never were there in the first place. I felt my heart sink, and it amazed me how oblivious he was to his own abilities and beauty. For days I could go on, speaking about him with only optimism and admiration but right now, my tongue felt like a dead weight in my mouth that I was not strong enough yet to lift. I opened my mouth but the words stuck to the back of my throat and never before had I wished so strongly that she could read my mind. I wished he could read my eyes like a poem and understand every word as if it’s the last one he’d ever know. I pried my tongue from the bottom of my mouth and forced the words in the back of my throat to show themselves and as they were spoken they spilled out of my mouth and rolled off of my tongue so swiftly it was as if my script had already been written. 

“Phil, you don’t need to be needed,” I murmured. “Chocolate isn’t  _ needed _ , but it makes life a hell of a lot better, just like you. You are made of stardust, and happiness, and the entirety of this ocean.” I motioned to the vast sea in front of us. “The person behind the puns and t-shirts is the same person I chose to become friends with, and the same person I fell in love with. No matter how many times you’ve cried yourself to sleep, and no matter how hard it has been to breathe you are still made of the stars and the sea and someday you’re going to find yourself.”

And almost by command, I slowly relaxed my muscles and turned back to face the sea, I knew what I had said flipped a switch somewhere within his mind. Phil simply turned his head to watch as the choppy, colonial blue waves marched inland, ebony haired and turquoise eyed, floating adrift in a sea of his own thoughts.

 


End file.
